Becoming a stay-at-home parent

I have decided to become a stay-at-home parent. It has become clear to me over the past few weeks that my heart and my energy are really with my children.

After eight years, I am leaving the staff of NISGUA. My last day at the job will be November 20th.

I plan to take on some freelance work translating, writing, and editing, but mostly I will be taking care of Chely and Kayalá.

When I went back to work after maternity leave, I found that although I continued to support the cause wholeheartedly, my heart wasn’t in it. I felt that I was doing a disservice to the organization by no longer possessing that extra spark of energy for the work, even if I continue to do my tasks responsibly.

The nature of my job – involving human rights in a solidarity context – means that the work and the issues take up considerable mental space, and I find it difficult to truly be with my children even when I am officially "off" work. It’s not easy, for instance, to strategize around an urgent action, then forget about it completely and dedicate my attention to drawing chalk pictures on the terrace or playing peek-a-boo with gusto.

Now that I’ve seen Chely through infancy and toddlerhood, I realize how quickly this early stage of life goes by. Already she is in preschool and more focused on peers, less reliant on a single caregiver. I want to cherish each moment of this precious, unique stage in Kayalá’s life. And when Chely is home from school, I want to be fully engaged with both of them.

With Chely it was a little different. Until Chely was a year and a half old, Edwin was a student with a flexible schedule, so we each took care of her for half the day. Now that is not an option, and I find myself struggling trying to find a child care provider situation that feels completely right.

Also, when my maternity leave ended after Chely’s birth, I was ready to work outside the home and engage my brain in analytical, intellectual, non-baby-related matters. This time around I don’t have that same hunger. I am fulfilled by the myriad challenges and joys of parenting.

I do worry about getting by financially, and I know it will be tight. If only there were better maternity/paternity leave policies here and in the States... Unfortunately, moving to Sweden or Finland where Edwin and I could each take off a year (or more) is not an option! But I hope that enough short-term freelance stints will come my way that will help us make it through.

I hesitated taking this step but feel that it wasn’t until I made the decision that my mind started to open up to new possibilities. Who knows what opportunities will arise or what ideas might come up down the line?

In a way I am sad to leave, as I have been with NISGUA so long and it has become such a part of my identity – and I certainly continue to believe in the cause and the mission – but there is no doubt in my mind that this is the right decision for me.

I am so blessed to have children and feel incredibly happy that I will be able to devote my time and energy to them. I am thrilled to be able to play make-believe with them, capture the spark in their eyes as they learn something new, share their delight as they discover the world.

I recognize that I am utterly and totally blessed to have this precious time with my children. I do not take this gift lightly. I cherish it, truly.